Converted

It is Saturday afternoon and I sit in awe of God. Do I have money? Yes, enough to pay my bills. My children are well, watching Saturday cartoons as I did as a child. Most of all, after prayer this morning, I find myself wanting more of God. He is changing my desires for His ways, His mind, His heart. I desire to love how He loves, be compassionate as He is compassionate. To be honest, the reality is I have not "arrived" as a Christian. For years I believed I did. See my deception was after the song is sung and the word is preached that is it. I am alright. I carried the religious arrogant essence as an "unconverted" Christian for years. I thought I was better than. I mean, I would be successful, in praying, and exalting His name personally at home but some days I would not. Until this week. Let me explain.

 For about two or three months this year my mouth was shut. That was strange because I am a praise and worship leader. I could not praise, I could not worship. In fact to give you a little history about me, I have singing in choirs for over 20 years. My goal every since I was a little girl was to become the next Whitney Houston, until God had other plans for my life. So in my early year of choirs and learning about praise and worship even up to last year, I could hit the pulpit, sing a couple of songs, give the congregation a performance, go back home and wait until next Sunday. Sometimes I had not prayed, worship, or even told God Hi, but once Sunday morning came, I was in full performance. Did God show up? Yes! (Thank God I was not the only one on the team or in our assembly full of the Holy Ghost.)  Now, after a while of this facade God dealt with me, especially after worship leader left last year to fulfill the call of God on her life. Praise and worship was on my shoulders for my local assembly. 

But to get back to the point, earlier this I was full of anger, offense, unforgiveness between February up until now . My assembly had gone through changes. My divorce was finalized In June and my school this year was horrible. Let's not forget the other emotional torpedoes dislodged my way. This week after God put me on a three day fast with no food, He spoke to me out of Colossians as well as other scriptures! I began to cry out for wisdom, to be filled with knowledge of His will in all wisdom and spiritual understanding. I cried out to God and repented. All I could do repent. Asking God to change my mind because I believed His word wrongly.

All I could do was repent, ask Him to forgive me for my hypocritical, religious pride against Him, my children, drivers on the road, my co-workers, sinners. I repented, He forgave.

He showed me I was not converted. I knew all the songs, close to people in the church but I had not yet been converted. I was reminded of what Christ told Peter, "when thou art converted strengthen thy brethren."

This is why I need more of His Glory: No good thing dwells in my flesh. Oh, by the way because of His unfailing love, I am still confessing my sins and repenting. Father, I desire above anything else, please give me a new heart and a new spirit. Oh how He loves me!

To Be Continued..........